Since my last post, I've received the following question: What if I really like someone and I present myself authentically, and I don't get the response I want -- he/she just doesn't seem to be attracted to me?
It's a hard reality to face when the one who kindles your passion doesn't seem to be interested in you. As difficult as it may be, it's important to bring yourself back into contact with your inner self and be open to the feelings, sensations, and thoughts which have been stirred up by the other's apparent lack of interest.
Do you feel rejected? Depressed? Embarrassed? Angry?...
Do you feel that you are uninteresting? Unattractive? A failure or a loser?...
Do you feel like you've fallen into an abyss? Stepped on hot coals? Been beaten up or kicked aside?...
Do you sense tears forming? Miscles tightening? Face heating up? Hands sweating? Heart pounding?...
Do you notice thoughts about wanting to hide? Lashing out? Comparing yourself to someone? Blaming yourself or someone else? Getting back at someone? Forcing someone to see your true worth? Trying a different approach with this person?...
Whatever feelings, sensations, and thoughts you notice, be open to them. Be in the here and now with them. Be inquisitive about them. This doesn't mean you wallow in them, but simply that you don't reject them and that you allow their presence to lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself. What can you find out about yourself from your reactions? Whatever it is that you find out, be careful not to criticize yourself. In noticing, you're asking to learn from yourself -- without bringing judgment, either negative or positive.
With this attitude of inquiry, you allow yourself to grow. Sometimes that growth involves learning that the person you approached wasn't really right for you in the first place, and maybe seeing something about him or her that you didn't see earlier. It might involve acknowledging that you didn't approach him or her as authentically as you initially thought. It could tell you that your expectations were too grand. In some cases, it will show you that you somehow set yourself up for "failure." It may lead to an understanding that the apparent rejection wasn't about you at all but about something in the other person's experience. And there are myriad other possibilities, all from being in the here and now with yourself.
As you show up to yourself, your authenticity blossoms.
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