Each of us has a unique fingerprint and a unique place in this world. Each of us has a very particular and unique soul, distinguishable from all others, even though we are all derived from the same unified wholeness. In my own being I am unique and special, just as everyone else is. Then why is it that I so frequently and stridently attempt to prove my uniqueness to others and myself and to show disdain for other people?
If I have contempt for others or contempt for myself, I am denying the fact that all of us are manifestations of God on earth. We are special because we have a holy origin and are holy beings. Any sense of loss and emptiness I feel inside--even when it seems to be all about my need for connections with people and things-- is an indication that I have lost the connection with my own deeply holy nature, which is something I can't manufacture through my creativity but something I am being invited to seek through communion with myself in stillness and silence.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Lessons from Understanding Enneatype 3
Accomplishments don't make the man or the woman. I don't have to strive and achieve to become worthwhile. I am worthwhile because I exist, because at my very core I am an embodiment of all that is valuable and worthwhile.
Though being impressive to others and admired by them may feel affirming, I can really know my value only by affirming myself at my core. I am not my image. I am not what I project. I am not my exterior. I am valuable because of what is inherently me inside, and the only real affirmation is that inner experiential knowledge. My image won't help me to escape worthlessness, for there is no worthlessness to escape from.
Though being impressive to others and admired by them may feel affirming, I can really know my value only by affirming myself at my core. I am not my image. I am not what I project. I am not my exterior. I am valuable because of what is inherently me inside, and the only real affirmation is that inner experiential knowledge. My image won't help me to escape worthlessness, for there is no worthlessness to escape from.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Lessons from Understanding Enneatype 2
All of us need to be loved. In so many ways we do what we can to obtain love, whatever we believe is necessary in order to encourage it, be worthy of it, and hang onto it. The only problem is this: It's wasted effort, which diverts us from knowing that Love is already here for us. Love is here, throughout our being, pervading and enveloping us with its constant presence -- if only we would open ourselves to it and allow ourselves to know it in its fullness, depth, warmth, and richness.
Why all the unnecessary striving? Because we so easily close our eyes to the real Love that is there all along and look for it outside of ourselves, as if someone else can give us what we already have but won't face.
When we dare to recognize the Love that characterizes our being -- and dare to inhabit it and know that it IS us -- then love is not something we need; we don't have to become worthy of it, we don't have to grasp for it, we don't have to hanker after it, we don't need to manipulate anything or anyone to get it. It just is.
And that is beautiful.
Why all the unnecessary striving? Because we so easily close our eyes to the real Love that is there all along and look for it outside of ourselves, as if someone else can give us what we already have but won't face.
When we dare to recognize the Love that characterizes our being -- and dare to inhabit it and know that it IS us -- then love is not something we need; we don't have to become worthy of it, we don't have to grasp for it, we don't have to hanker after it, we don't need to manipulate anything or anyone to get it. It just is.
And that is beautiful.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Lessons from Understanding Enneatype 1
Goodness is real. However, it's not our personalities, or egos, which can attain real Goodness. They seek it nonetheless and ironically cut us off from what we most desire.
The very act of striving to be or do something "just right"--whatever it is we might want to be or do, and whatever it is we mean by "just right"--causes our personalities to become more crystallized--more hardened and unyielding. The harder a personality gets, the more of a trap it is. In trying to embody such Goodness, we build our own prison cells.
It's not that we shouldn't be Good. It's that we ARE Good, just as we are--a concept that is difficult for most of us. Until we come to experience our true inner Goodness, we tend to strive, turning our attention away from real Goodness and toward some idea we've put together (or which we have learned from our families or social groups) about what Goodness should look like.
The key is to turn inward and explore our deep experience. It's real and true, and it will lead us to know Goodness. Our feelings are our teachers.
The very act of striving to be or do something "just right"--whatever it is we might want to be or do, and whatever it is we mean by "just right"--causes our personalities to become more crystallized--more hardened and unyielding. The harder a personality gets, the more of a trap it is. In trying to embody such Goodness, we build our own prison cells.
It's not that we shouldn't be Good. It's that we ARE Good, just as we are--a concept that is difficult for most of us. Until we come to experience our true inner Goodness, we tend to strive, turning our attention away from real Goodness and toward some idea we've put together (or which we have learned from our families or social groups) about what Goodness should look like.
The key is to turn inward and explore our deep experience. It's real and true, and it will lead us to know Goodness. Our feelings are our teachers.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The I Ching? What about the Enneagram and the 12 Steps?
There are so many pathways to knowing. My last post was about the I Ching, an ancient Chinese system of finding one's way regarding a problem, situation, or question, and now people are asking me, "What does this have to do with the Enneagram or the 12 Steps?"
Spirituality is about journeying into the self and finding love, unity, truth, and ultimately holiness there. In my experience, any map that assists in the journey is welcome. The Enneagram, the 12 Steps, the I Ching, and any number of other personality/spiritual systems are exactly that; they are maps. Sometimes my inner compass points to a different map from the one I'm most accustomed to using -- just like we may know that there are certain features of Google Maps that are especialllly helpful at times, even though we are generally well served by MapQuest and stand by what it has done for us.
All of these personality/spiritual maps require that we settle into the depth of ourselves in order to take in what they have to offer. Sure, they can be used superficially, for fun, or even for manipulative purposes. But when we truly open ourselves to self-discovery, then whatever tools we use are likely to provide us with something which is personally meaningful. That's because internal inquiry is what really matters; the maps just guide us in the inquiry.
Spirituality is about journeying into the self and finding love, unity, truth, and ultimately holiness there. In my experience, any map that assists in the journey is welcome. The Enneagram, the 12 Steps, the I Ching, and any number of other personality/spiritual systems are exactly that; they are maps. Sometimes my inner compass points to a different map from the one I'm most accustomed to using -- just like we may know that there are certain features of Google Maps that are especialllly helpful at times, even though we are generally well served by MapQuest and stand by what it has done for us.
All of these personality/spiritual maps require that we settle into the depth of ourselves in order to take in what they have to offer. Sure, they can be used superficially, for fun, or even for manipulative purposes. But when we truly open ourselves to self-discovery, then whatever tools we use are likely to provide us with something which is personally meaningful. That's because internal inquiry is what really matters; the maps just guide us in the inquiry.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Renewing with the I Ching
Today I was moved to get out my I Ching materials, which I had not worked with in some time. It felt important to explore it again, and the time opened up for me to sit down and be with it in the absence of distsraction or pressure.
The I Ching is an ancient "divination" tool, which helps to focus one's higher self, or inner knowing. It has its complexities, but it didn't take long to refresh my mind, and very soon I took a deep clearing breath, sensed my arms and legs and their relation to the ground, the desk, and the materials, and asked a heartfelt question about a recent decision and whether it was right for me.
The answer came, loud, clear, and refreshing: Renewal, stripping away the old, a need to accept that this change is indeed necessary, that my path would not allow it to be any other way... and that it will eventuate in greater closeness between me and others who are especially important to me.
Another deep breath... this, a relaxing one, a knowing one, breathing in the knowledge of my truth having been spoken. I felt it so deeply and happily.
The I Ching's message doesn't bring a false hope that the way will always be smooth or that life will be fully of only happy moments. What it gives me is an opening to my own understanding of my needs and how to fulfill them internally.
It feels dramatic and yet soft. It feels true.
The I Ching is an ancient "divination" tool, which helps to focus one's higher self, or inner knowing. It has its complexities, but it didn't take long to refresh my mind, and very soon I took a deep clearing breath, sensed my arms and legs and their relation to the ground, the desk, and the materials, and asked a heartfelt question about a recent decision and whether it was right for me.
The answer came, loud, clear, and refreshing: Renewal, stripping away the old, a need to accept that this change is indeed necessary, that my path would not allow it to be any other way... and that it will eventuate in greater closeness between me and others who are especially important to me.
Another deep breath... this, a relaxing one, a knowing one, breathing in the knowledge of my truth having been spoken. I felt it so deeply and happily.
The I Ching's message doesn't bring a false hope that the way will always be smooth or that life will be fully of only happy moments. What it gives me is an opening to my own understanding of my needs and how to fulfill them internally.
It feels dramatic and yet soft. It feels true.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
When Life Gets Difficult
There isn't one of us who hasn't experienced snags, potholes, or real crises in life. Even with a positive outlook or a strong spiritual foundation, no one is immune to problems. Smoothness just isn't a characterisic of life, and neither is a steady sense of cheer. It's normal to experience anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, fear, loneliness, valuelessness, and all the other emotions with which we respond to stress.
Not only is it normal to experience these feelings about our difficulties, but our feelings can be the vehicles for working on them most sanely. When you feel an emotion, it carries with it some fundamental information about you. It offers a way in to your deepest intelligence. And that deep intelligence is what will help you meet your problems in a grounded, calm, clear, and courageous manner.
My work with the enneagram has taught me that all feelings are useful when approached as vehicles for self-understanding. This is one of the ways I work with people in therapy and coaching sessions, and the results are staggering. It's about helping clients find their true center even when they've been thrown a curveball, even in the midst of otherwise overwhelming demands, even when it seems that the worst-case scenario has become real.
On getting in touch with our true centers, we know that hope, peace, strength, and love abound. No matter what.
Not only is it normal to experience these feelings about our difficulties, but our feelings can be the vehicles for working on them most sanely. When you feel an emotion, it carries with it some fundamental information about you. It offers a way in to your deepest intelligence. And that deep intelligence is what will help you meet your problems in a grounded, calm, clear, and courageous manner.
My work with the enneagram has taught me that all feelings are useful when approached as vehicles for self-understanding. This is one of the ways I work with people in therapy and coaching sessions, and the results are staggering. It's about helping clients find their true center even when they've been thrown a curveball, even in the midst of otherwise overwhelming demands, even when it seems that the worst-case scenario has become real.
On getting in touch with our true centers, we know that hope, peace, strength, and love abound. No matter what.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Acceptance
I was thinking about Step 1 of the 12 Steps and the idea of acceptance. To admit we are powerless over our own or others’ compulsions is to accept the reality of them. Okay, but then what do we do? Stop the reality? Give in to it? Turn it over to a Higher Power and go hang out somewhere else?
Acceptance is not a simple term, and real acceptance is a mighty process involving one moment of surrender after another. To accept reality is to allow it fully without either judgment or preference. When I surrender or allow, I neither reject nor approve of reality as it is, I don’t defend myself against it or give up in the face of it, I don’t turn my back on it, and neither do I invite it; rather, I let go and let it be.
What does it mean to let a compulsion “be”? Or to let my helplessness “be”? They are part of me, aren’t they? I’m responsible for them, right? I like the answer from A. H. Almaas: “First, you realize that you are rejecting and pushing.”
We tend to defend our compulsions or try to push them away and reject them. But when we can look at them objectively as traps or trances or jesters that take us away from the truth of who we are inside, then we can cease to identify with them and begin to understand them lovingly. We come to understand that we are human beings with frailties, that we easily become trapped or entranced or duped by our frailties, that when we are at their mercy we have forgotten how to love ourselves. We begin to accept this, and we stop defending and rejecting ourselves and serenely surrender to the truth of the moment, that all we can do is “the next right thing.” And then we feel something like a blessing, a benediction, a protection, an inner knowing… a real acceptance.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Acceptance is not a simple term, and real acceptance is a mighty process involving one moment of surrender after another. To accept reality is to allow it fully without either judgment or preference. When I surrender or allow, I neither reject nor approve of reality as it is, I don’t defend myself against it or give up in the face of it, I don’t turn my back on it, and neither do I invite it; rather, I let go and let it be.
What does it mean to let a compulsion “be”? Or to let my helplessness “be”? They are part of me, aren’t they? I’m responsible for them, right? I like the answer from A. H. Almaas: “First, you realize that you are rejecting and pushing.”
We tend to defend our compulsions or try to push them away and reject them. But when we can look at them objectively as traps or trances or jesters that take us away from the truth of who we are inside, then we can cease to identify with them and begin to understand them lovingly. We come to understand that we are human beings with frailties, that we easily become trapped or entranced or duped by our frailties, that when we are at their mercy we have forgotten how to love ourselves. We begin to accept this, and we stop defending and rejecting ourselves and serenely surrender to the truth of the moment, that all we can do is “the next right thing.” And then we feel something like a blessing, a benediction, a protection, an inner knowing… a real acceptance.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Many paths to God
Using different words and stories, most of the world’s religions and spiritual paths teach the same values. Only when dogma is placed before values do they look really different. So when I teach the Enneagram or the 12 Steps, my message is wholly in line with that of my Protestant upbringing, just as it jives with the beliefs of my Jewish friends, my Hindu friends, my Buddhist friends, and spiritual people the world over.
The bottom line for all these spiritual traditions is being fully present to a deeper reality, where true love and wisdom exist. You don’t have to be religious or consider yourself spiritual to seek love, wisdom, and depth — one of the reasons I resonate so with the Enneagram and the 12 Steps. They are tools for anyone who desires a richer life.
I discovered the Enneagram about ten years ago as I sought a personality theory that accounted for more than the standard theores I had learned about as I trained in and then practiced psychology; without attending to the spiritual aspect of our natures, these theories seemed flat. Once I made the discovery, I could never look back but only go deeper and deeper into it, seeking and learning more and finding that it was like an eternal spring; it kept offering me more, and it still does. It quenches the thirst only to reveal deeper thirst, a process which is amazing — gratifying and life-giving. It teaches that indeed you have to lose yourself to find yourself, and through it you come to want that absolutely.
I have stayed with the Enneagram all this time and during these years was also led to rediscover the 12 Steps, to which I had been introduced when I worked as a psychologist in substance abuse treatment programs. In these programs you meet the most courageous people, and you see how the 12 Steps, the Serenity Prayer, and other “standards” of AA, NA, and the like guide people from despair to hope and beyond. Though it had been a few years since I worked in those programs, at a certain point recovering addicts began to be drawn to my practice, and I began working with them to strengthen their attunement to the Steps and to their inner selves. Helping them, I began living with the Steps in my own life and finding their power in times of struggle.
The Enneagram and the 12 Steps have become entwined as guides for me in my life — and so important that I felt called to make them the linchpins of my professional life. That’s why my therapy and coaching practice is now geared to help people via the principles of the Enneagram, the 12 Steps, and my clients’ personal spiritual directions.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The bottom line for all these spiritual traditions is being fully present to a deeper reality, where true love and wisdom exist. You don’t have to be religious or consider yourself spiritual to seek love, wisdom, and depth — one of the reasons I resonate so with the Enneagram and the 12 Steps. They are tools for anyone who desires a richer life.
I discovered the Enneagram about ten years ago as I sought a personality theory that accounted for more than the standard theores I had learned about as I trained in and then practiced psychology; without attending to the spiritual aspect of our natures, these theories seemed flat. Once I made the discovery, I could never look back but only go deeper and deeper into it, seeking and learning more and finding that it was like an eternal spring; it kept offering me more, and it still does. It quenches the thirst only to reveal deeper thirst, a process which is amazing — gratifying and life-giving. It teaches that indeed you have to lose yourself to find yourself, and through it you come to want that absolutely.
I have stayed with the Enneagram all this time and during these years was also led to rediscover the 12 Steps, to which I had been introduced when I worked as a psychologist in substance abuse treatment programs. In these programs you meet the most courageous people, and you see how the 12 Steps, the Serenity Prayer, and other “standards” of AA, NA, and the like guide people from despair to hope and beyond. Though it had been a few years since I worked in those programs, at a certain point recovering addicts began to be drawn to my practice, and I began working with them to strengthen their attunement to the Steps and to their inner selves. Helping them, I began living with the Steps in my own life and finding their power in times of struggle.
The Enneagram and the 12 Steps have become entwined as guides for me in my life — and so important that I felt called to make them the linchpins of my professional life. That’s why my therapy and coaching practice is now geared to help people via the principles of the Enneagram, the 12 Steps, and my clients’ personal spiritual directions.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Why do I matter?
So many people tell me they didn’t feel worthy of putting money and time into their own personal growth and didn’t seek out therapy or life coaching until they thought about the impact they have on other people. Here are some of their comments:
“I wanted to feel better about myself, but I didn’t want to do anything that would take away from my family. Then one day it dawned on me that every time I snapped at my wife and daughters I was hurting them. So I looked you up and asked for help. I was actually surprised at how happy it made my family.”
“It was always my dream to find my real purpose in life, and I kept putting it off because my son needed this or my aging parents needed that or my friends seemed more desperate than I did. When I bit the bullet and said to myself, “You need this,” I began to lighten up and wasn’t so anxious all the time, and I noticed that people around me responded so positively. I was kind of shocked but looking back, I can see how I was never my best with them because I didn’t feel free to be who I really am at my core, and who I really am is so much more appealing to them than the way I used to be. I’m more productive too and have lots more to give now.”
“You know, I was always mad about the way my family treated me. They made me feel like I was the one with all the problems and yet I didn’t deserve to reach out for help, like my life was supposed to revolve around them. It took a long time, but I finally did it. I knew I had to find a way out of that trap. When I realized that I was the one keeping myself there and not them, I was able to rise above the fray, and it began to make a difference in my family. Suddenly things were a little more peaceful for everybody, and when we do argue, I’m able to step back and see that I can keep the argument going or I can contribute to the peace process, it’s my choice. We’re all calmer now and can talk.”
As these comments make clear, we all have an impact on other people. If we’re grumpy or anxious, depressed or isolated, we affect the people we come into contact with, and not in a positive way. We all make a difference in this world, and through our individual growth and centering we contribute to the world around us, often profoundly.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
“I wanted to feel better about myself, but I didn’t want to do anything that would take away from my family. Then one day it dawned on me that every time I snapped at my wife and daughters I was hurting them. So I looked you up and asked for help. I was actually surprised at how happy it made my family.”
“It was always my dream to find my real purpose in life, and I kept putting it off because my son needed this or my aging parents needed that or my friends seemed more desperate than I did. When I bit the bullet and said to myself, “You need this,” I began to lighten up and wasn’t so anxious all the time, and I noticed that people around me responded so positively. I was kind of shocked but looking back, I can see how I was never my best with them because I didn’t feel free to be who I really am at my core, and who I really am is so much more appealing to them than the way I used to be. I’m more productive too and have lots more to give now.”
“You know, I was always mad about the way my family treated me. They made me feel like I was the one with all the problems and yet I didn’t deserve to reach out for help, like my life was supposed to revolve around them. It took a long time, but I finally did it. I knew I had to find a way out of that trap. When I realized that I was the one keeping myself there and not them, I was able to rise above the fray, and it began to make a difference in my family. Suddenly things were a little more peaceful for everybody, and when we do argue, I’m able to step back and see that I can keep the argument going or I can contribute to the peace process, it’s my choice. We’re all calmer now and can talk.”
As these comments make clear, we all have an impact on other people. If we’re grumpy or anxious, depressed or isolated, we affect the people we come into contact with, and not in a positive way. We all make a difference in this world, and through our individual growth and centering we contribute to the world around us, often profoundly.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The 12 steps: simple, not easy
The 12 Steps are simple, but living according to the 12 Steps can seem like another matter altogether. AA members have a saying about this: It’s simple but it ain’t easy!
When you’re a member of a 12-Step fellowship, you are encouraged to find a sponsor, who will help you to understand and apply the 12 Steps. If you’re not a member of a fellowship and believe the 12 Steps might help you live a better life, then find a therapist or life coach who is intimately familiar with the 12 Steps and will agree to teach and guide you. Even if you are a fellowship member and have a sponsor, you might want extra support in understanding the steps more deeply and using them more fully and in that case, working with the same kind of therapist or coach can be an intensely satisfying experience.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
When you’re a member of a 12-Step fellowship, you are encouraged to find a sponsor, who will help you to understand and apply the 12 Steps. If you’re not a member of a fellowship and believe the 12 Steps might help you live a better life, then find a therapist or life coach who is intimately familiar with the 12 Steps and will agree to teach and guide you. Even if you are a fellowship member and have a sponsor, you might want extra support in understanding the steps more deeply and using them more fully and in that case, working with the same kind of therapist or coach can be an intensely satisfying experience.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Aren't the 12 steps for addicts and alcoholics?
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous serve as the basis for many 12-Step programs — Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Love Addicts Anonymous, just to name a few — and I find that they provide a good spiritual and cognitive-behavioral grounding for any of us who have problems.
Problems are part of human life, and that means the 12 Steps could be applicable to just about everyone. Let’s see how it works:
One of my clients came to realize that he was being limited in life by an almost unconscious bias against people who held positions of authority. He couldn’t avoid supervisors and security guards at work, and there were times when he had to interact with police officers, representatives of the DMV, and others charged with enforcing rules in society. But he always seemed to approach them with an “attitude,” sometimes creating trouble that didn’t exist in the first place.
I introduced this man to the 12 Steps, substituting the word “problem” for “alcoholism” or “addiction,” and we used the Steps as a basis for him to come to terms with what kept getting in the way of his own happiness. At first he resisted — the Steps seemed like another form of authority for him to become upset about. But with study, discussion, reflection, and practice, he found that they gave him a certain freedom he had not experienced before. By accepting responsibility for his problem and working through it in a step-wise fashion, he gained serenity.
From bias to serenity, from troublemaker to calm adult, from resistance to acceptance and freedom. What a journey… and it took just 12 steps.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Problems are part of human life, and that means the 12 Steps could be applicable to just about everyone. Let’s see how it works:
One of my clients came to realize that he was being limited in life by an almost unconscious bias against people who held positions of authority. He couldn’t avoid supervisors and security guards at work, and there were times when he had to interact with police officers, representatives of the DMV, and others charged with enforcing rules in society. But he always seemed to approach them with an “attitude,” sometimes creating trouble that didn’t exist in the first place.
I introduced this man to the 12 Steps, substituting the word “problem” for “alcoholism” or “addiction,” and we used the Steps as a basis for him to come to terms with what kept getting in the way of his own happiness. At first he resisted — the Steps seemed like another form of authority for him to become upset about. But with study, discussion, reflection, and practice, he found that they gave him a certain freedom he had not experienced before. By accepting responsibility for his problem and working through it in a step-wise fashion, he gained serenity.
From bias to serenity, from troublemaker to calm adult, from resistance to acceptance and freedom. What a journey… and it took just 12 steps.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Do you have compulsions? Do I?
It sounds almost like a dirty word, compulsion. But if we get really honest with ourselves, we realize that we all have compulsions.
Perhaps you have one that’s easy to recognize: smoking, drinking too much, overeating, biting your nails, driving fast for that revved-up feeling it gives you, that type of thing. Did you know, however, that all of us have compulsions which keep us from feeling free? And that most of our compulsions we aren’t even aware of?
Take Carla, a woman I worked with in therapy several years ago. She came to see me because of problems in her marriage and family relationships, and she struggled for months in the pursuit of strategies to cause her loved ones to treat her better. But one day the light bulb switched on for Carla: She realized that her own personality structure was standing in her way of making her life better. It wasn’t her family that was keeping her imprisoned in misery; it was her own compulsive beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors. And those compulsions were things she could work on and affect, whereas she had no control over her family members. This is a form of enlightenment which is hopeful and life-giving.
The 12 Steps and the Enneagram are tools for becoming aware of your own compulsive patterns at deeper and deeper levels and then using that growing awareness to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. I find that these tools are useful in my own life — for developing self-understanding, self-acceptance, compassion for myself and others, spiritual depth, and discernment.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Perhaps you have one that’s easy to recognize: smoking, drinking too much, overeating, biting your nails, driving fast for that revved-up feeling it gives you, that type of thing. Did you know, however, that all of us have compulsions which keep us from feeling free? And that most of our compulsions we aren’t even aware of?
Take Carla, a woman I worked with in therapy several years ago. She came to see me because of problems in her marriage and family relationships, and she struggled for months in the pursuit of strategies to cause her loved ones to treat her better. But one day the light bulb switched on for Carla: She realized that her own personality structure was standing in her way of making her life better. It wasn’t her family that was keeping her imprisoned in misery; it was her own compulsive beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors. And those compulsions were things she could work on and affect, whereas she had no control over her family members. This is a form of enlightenment which is hopeful and life-giving.
The 12 Steps and the Enneagram are tools for becoming aware of your own compulsive patterns at deeper and deeper levels and then using that growing awareness to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. I find that these tools are useful in my own life — for developing self-understanding, self-acceptance, compassion for myself and others, spiritual depth, and discernment.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The enneagram and the 12 steps
While the enneagram is a self-contained system, it can be used to support other paths to growth, such as the 12 Steps. The enneagram of the personality describes nine types of compulsions that lead to “powerlessness” and “unmanageability,” as referred to in the first step. The enneagram of holy ideas alludes to the second step’s “power greater than ourselves,” which is restorative. As we work further into the 12 steps, we find that the map of the enneagram can elucidate them and provide keys to our relationship with our higher power and with our deeper self.
As it turns out, most non-dogmatic spiritual systems are similar, posing questions for inner exploration and challenging us to give up our ego-selves in order to live life more abundantly from a deeper self which is in touch with spirit. We have to die in order to live, give our lives over in order to be free, lose ourselves to find ourselves. The twelfth step speaks of a spiritual awakening, and waking up is exactly what the enneagram and other spiritual systems encourage us to do.
I am grateful to my teachers of the ennegram, the 12 steps, and other spiritual paths for helping me to wake up and to keep waking myself up throughout this wondrous life.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
As it turns out, most non-dogmatic spiritual systems are similar, posing questions for inner exploration and challenging us to give up our ego-selves in order to live life more abundantly from a deeper self which is in touch with spirit. We have to die in order to live, give our lives over in order to be free, lose ourselves to find ourselves. The twelfth step speaks of a spiritual awakening, and waking up is exactly what the enneagram and other spiritual systems encourage us to do.
I am grateful to my teachers of the ennegram, the 12 steps, and other spiritual paths for helping me to wake up and to keep waking myself up throughout this wondrous life.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Ichazo's song
Last spring, in the company of an inspiring and loving group of people, I was privileged to hear a copy of Ichazo’s recording of the Holy Ideas Song:
Holy perfection Holy will Holy harmony Holy origin Holy omniscience Holy strength Holy wisdom Holy truth Holy love Holy love Holy love
This will be my prayer today.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Holy perfection Holy will Holy harmony Holy origin Holy omniscience Holy strength Holy wisdom Holy truth Holy love Holy love Holy love
This will be my prayer today.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The multiplicity of the enneagram
The enneagram is the most complex system I know for describing, studying, and understanding one’s personality. We usually begin by identifying our enneatype, one of nine basic personality styles. Each enneatype is known formally by its number (1 through 9), though we sometimes add monikers like “the individualist” or “the peacemaker.” Then we can learn about our “wings,” the two styles with which we share some traits, and the fact that one of those wings often stands out in a more obvious form than the other, although both are present in our personalities. From there we go on to learn about our “security point” (or “heart point”) and our “stress point”–that is, the personality movements we make when especially relaxed and when especially tense or upset; about the “center” within which our basic type resides; and about our subtype, or instinct, which has to do with our individual manner of prioritizing our instinctual needs. And for those who want to delve deeper, there is even more!
Is it overwhelming? It doesn’t have to be, because we learn the enneagram incrementally, as we learn ourselves in a new way a little bit at a time. We take time to digest what we learn before moving from one concept to another, so that step-by-step it becomes part of our consciousness.
And why do we do it? We take the time to get to know ourselves through the enneagram in order to live more consciously and to open doorways to our spirit which we closed, mostly unconsciously, early in life, primarily in infancy and early childhood and perhaps also later, at times of trauma or extreme pain.
Human beings are complex creatures, and the enneagram is a marvelous tool for shedding light on our beautiful complexity.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Is it overwhelming? It doesn’t have to be, because we learn the enneagram incrementally, as we learn ourselves in a new way a little bit at a time. We take time to digest what we learn before moving from one concept to another, so that step-by-step it becomes part of our consciousness.
And why do we do it? We take the time to get to know ourselves through the enneagram in order to live more consciously and to open doorways to our spirit which we closed, mostly unconsciously, early in life, primarily in infancy and early childhood and perhaps also later, at times of trauma or extreme pain.
Human beings are complex creatures, and the enneagram is a marvelous tool for shedding light on our beautiful complexity.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Why treat the enneagram as a spiritual tool?
There are many enneagram writers and teachers who discuss the enneagram of personality and its impact on interpersonal relationships but don’t approach the enneagram’s spiritual dimension. Many of them have contributed enormously to our understanding and have helped individuals, couples, businesses, and other groups in significant ways. So how–and why–do we use the enneagram with a spiritual purpose?
The history of the enneagram is ancient and rich, with its earliest known applications being spiritual and cosmic ones. The symbol itself represents universal oneness, and the philosophy underlying the teachings contains components from mystical Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Buddhism, and ancient Greek philosophy. While the enneagram offers lessons at multiple levels and on many dimensions, its deepest teachings touch us at our core and point us toward our essential oneness with everyone and everything.
If we are open to such depths of experience and understanding, then we can use the enneagram to find inner guidance and inner knowing. The enneagram offers deep wisdom, and what is more spiritual than that?
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The history of the enneagram is ancient and rich, with its earliest known applications being spiritual and cosmic ones. The symbol itself represents universal oneness, and the philosophy underlying the teachings contains components from mystical Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Buddhism, and ancient Greek philosophy. While the enneagram offers lessons at multiple levels and on many dimensions, its deepest teachings touch us at our core and point us toward our essential oneness with everyone and everything.
If we are open to such depths of experience and understanding, then we can use the enneagram to find inner guidance and inner knowing. The enneagram offers deep wisdom, and what is more spiritual than that?
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Waking up at deeper levels
I’m coming down from 8 days with Sandra Maitri at the International Retreat Group meeting outside of San Francisco. I joined the IRG in December and am now a fully committed member. We meet twice a year with Sandra and her team of teachers, and it has proven to be an invaluable experience. The December retreat focused on receiving love and goodness and what gets in our way of that; this retreat’s focus was on nourishing ourselves and our relative ability to merge in love with another. I am truly blessed to be able to participate in these wonderful experiences with Sandra, the other teachers, and my fellow retreat participants.
Sandra Maitri was my first and remains my most important Enneagram teacher. Her immersion in the Diamond Approach and her long background in self-development give her an aspect on the Enneagram that few others seem to have. I’m indebted to Russ Hudson and others for their teachings, but none goes as deep as Sandra, to whom I owe countless thanks.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Sandra Maitri was my first and remains my most important Enneagram teacher. Her immersion in the Diamond Approach and her long background in self-development give her an aspect on the Enneagram that few others seem to have. I’m indebted to Russ Hudson and others for their teachings, but none goes as deep as Sandra, to whom I owe countless thanks.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
Sleepwalking and waking up
Every day we spend much of our time sleepwalking! That is, we make our way through life according to habitual ways of thinking, perceiving, and behaving. Usually we don’t recognize that this is the case — but of course not, if we’re “unconscious”!
The Enneagram can help us to wake up to ourselves, to humanity, and to the spiritual nature that we all share. It can help us learn to connect with our own deep nature and the nature of everyone and everything.
Studying the enneagram guides us to know ourselves better than we ever did before and to have compassion and understanding for ourselves and others. And further, it opens our eyes to pathways for growth that we may never have known existed.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The Enneagram can help us to wake up to ourselves, to humanity, and to the spiritual nature that we all share. It can help us learn to connect with our own deep nature and the nature of everyone and everything.
Studying the enneagram guides us to know ourselves better than we ever did before and to have compassion and understanding for ourselves and others. And further, it opens our eyes to pathways for growth that we may never have known existed.
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
If we see the world differently, then who is right?
My viewpoint couldn’t possibly be in error!
That’s right. Your viewpoint is your viewpoint. You see what you see. You take in what you take in. It’s not erroneous. It’s a perspective on the world through one facet of the prism.
Your viewpoint isn’t in error — it’s just not complete!
Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, through their writings and presentations on relationships, have taught us that marital and other interpersonal problems have everything to do with our failure to respect the Otherness of our spouses, partners, colleagues, and friends. “Sure, I’m quite willing to acknowledge that you see things differently than I do,” we might say, ”and I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong!!!”
Whew! We’ll never get anywhere that way. So let’s take a look at the world from the other person’s perspective. And let’s examine our own perspective, to see what the other person is having to deal with. The enneagram is one of the best tools I know to help us do just that, and the more we learn from it, the more we come to see just how limited our vision typically is. What if we could look through and truly appreciate all facets of the prism?
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
That’s right. Your viewpoint is your viewpoint. You see what you see. You take in what you take in. It’s not erroneous. It’s a perspective on the world through one facet of the prism.
Your viewpoint isn’t in error — it’s just not complete!
Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, through their writings and presentations on relationships, have taught us that marital and other interpersonal problems have everything to do with our failure to respect the Otherness of our spouses, partners, colleagues, and friends. “Sure, I’m quite willing to acknowledge that you see things differently than I do,” we might say, ”and I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong!!!”
Whew! We’ll never get anywhere that way. So let’s take a look at the world from the other person’s perspective. And let’s examine our own perspective, to see what the other person is having to deal with. The enneagram is one of the best tools I know to help us do just that, and the more we learn from it, the more we come to see just how limited our vision typically is. What if we could look through and truly appreciate all facets of the prism?
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The basic assumption that trips most of us up
“People see the world the way I do.”
It takes some thinking to understand the fallacy of this assumption. Typically, we don’t even think of it as an assumption, but as a basic fact. That is, we typically don’t even think about it at all. We have our essential take on life and it seems only natural that others would share that take.
So often we comment, “I can’t believe he would do that,” meaning that we can’t imagine ourselves behaving in a particular manner and therefore can’t imagine anyone else doing so. Or we ask, “Why can’t she see the real issue here?” again implying that we can’t imagine missing the importance of such-and-such ourselves and thus can’t imagine anyone else failing to recognize it. Or perhaps we’ve shared with someone how to correct a bad habit, and then we’re mystified that he or she hasn’t implemented the program — or worse, that our suggestion seems unappreciated.
When we’re confounded because someone seems to perceive something differently than we do, it’s probably because that person actually does have an entirely different perspective on life! And one of the most significant transitions any of us can make in our adult development comes when our eyes (often suddenly) open to the truth that others’ perspectives are different from our own.
The enneagram shows us that there are nine basic takes on the world, and when we begin to understand them, we begin to understand ourselves, other people, our relationships, and our own psychological and spiritual issues much more clearly.
More about this later….
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
It takes some thinking to understand the fallacy of this assumption. Typically, we don’t even think of it as an assumption, but as a basic fact. That is, we typically don’t even think about it at all. We have our essential take on life and it seems only natural that others would share that take.
So often we comment, “I can’t believe he would do that,” meaning that we can’t imagine ourselves behaving in a particular manner and therefore can’t imagine anyone else doing so. Or we ask, “Why can’t she see the real issue here?” again implying that we can’t imagine missing the importance of such-and-such ourselves and thus can’t imagine anyone else failing to recognize it. Or perhaps we’ve shared with someone how to correct a bad habit, and then we’re mystified that he or she hasn’t implemented the program — or worse, that our suggestion seems unappreciated.
When we’re confounded because someone seems to perceive something differently than we do, it’s probably because that person actually does have an entirely different perspective on life! And one of the most significant transitions any of us can make in our adult development comes when our eyes (often suddenly) open to the truth that others’ perspectives are different from our own.
The enneagram shows us that there are nine basic takes on the world, and when we begin to understand them, we begin to understand ourselves, other people, our relationships, and our own psychological and spiritual issues much more clearly.
More about this later….
(For earlier posts not shown here, go to http://www.lablanche9.wordpress.com/.)
The enneagram and our basic assumptions
Here I begin reposting some of my earlier blog entries from WordPress.com. For more go to http://lablanche9.wordpress.com/.
One of the uses of the enneagram is to help us identify, analyze, and explicate patterns we repeat as ways of trying to discover how we relate to the universe, to God, and to ourselves. All too often those patterns actually interfere with our deep relationships with Being, and yet we continue them in the belief that they will somehow move us closer to what is real and true.
Our personality patterns can involve behaviors, thoughts, identifications, and feelings. By discovering and studying our personal enneatypes, we gain access to descriptions of our psycho-spiritual styles and the sorts of deep-rooted beliefs that bring about our repeated patterns and cause us to have difficulty making changes in our lives.
Underlying all the enneatypes is a belief that our assumptions about the world, other people, and ourselves are correct. What if we were to consider the possibility that some of our basic assumptions are untrue and actually interfere with our ability to live a full life?
One of the uses of the enneagram is to help us identify, analyze, and explicate patterns we repeat as ways of trying to discover how we relate to the universe, to God, and to ourselves. All too often those patterns actually interfere with our deep relationships with Being, and yet we continue them in the belief that they will somehow move us closer to what is real and true.
Our personality patterns can involve behaviors, thoughts, identifications, and feelings. By discovering and studying our personal enneatypes, we gain access to descriptions of our psycho-spiritual styles and the sorts of deep-rooted beliefs that bring about our repeated patterns and cause us to have difficulty making changes in our lives.
Underlying all the enneatypes is a belief that our assumptions about the world, other people, and ourselves are correct. What if we were to consider the possibility that some of our basic assumptions are untrue and actually interfere with our ability to live a full life?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Getting unstuck
When something isn't working for us, we have a choice. We can stay fixated in the belief that this is the way it should be or must be, or we can free ourselves from that belief and make a move toward something else.
So I've moved my blog! I like Wordpress, but certain aspects of it didn't work for me as well as I would have liked, and now I'm starting here, at Blogspot. I've named my new blog "Contemplations on the 9 & the 12," because I combine two main focuses, each of which is a guide for self-understanding and ultimately for gaining freedom from fixations and compulsions: the 9-pointed Enneagram and the 12 Steps. Most of my posts will be related to one or both of them.
I've moved many of my previous blogposts here for you to read. Welcome to my blogspot!
So I've moved my blog! I like Wordpress, but certain aspects of it didn't work for me as well as I would have liked, and now I'm starting here, at Blogspot. I've named my new blog "Contemplations on the 9 & the 12," because I combine two main focuses, each of which is a guide for self-understanding and ultimately for gaining freedom from fixations and compulsions: the 9-pointed Enneagram and the 12 Steps. Most of my posts will be related to one or both of them.
I've moved many of my previous blogposts here for you to read. Welcome to my blogspot!
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