First-Step Wisdom

The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are a set of principles which have been adapted to offer guidance for compulsive people of many stripes.  The first of those steps is the basis for any further work to turn one's life around.  I paraphrase it this way to cover all possible addictions and compulsive patterns:  We admitted we were powerless over our own or someone else's addictive patterns or life chaos, that our lives had become unmanageable.

What is it to admit powerlessness and unmanageability?  Some criticize the 12 Steps because of these very concepts.  But I believe that most who offer such criticism simply misinterpret the words.  Here's what the First Step means from my perspective:

• My ego wants to maintain its standard way of functioning in order to protect me; it wants to protect me from having to look at hard truths, having to distance myself from people who have been important to me, and/or appearing to others in some way that feels unacceptable.  
• Some part of my ego believes I need to use alcohol or drugs or to continue to engage in certain other compulsive behaviors so that I can avoid looking at the hard truths, distancing myself from others, or appearing unacceptable in some manner. 
• No matter how much I say I want to quit drinking, drugging, biting my nails, saying yes to everyone, controlling my spouse, etc., that part of my ego which is engaged in protecting the status quo does its best to maintain my thinking patterns, maintain my behavior patterns, and quell my stated desire to change.
• That "protective" part of my ego is fixated on homeostasis.  It's like a thermostat whose temperature control switch has broken off, so that I ultimately have no control over it; yet it is this part of myself which has to loosen up in order for me to be able to give up the compulsion.
• Because of this "homeostasis meter" which is buried deep inside me, I am powerless over the compulsion itself, and because of the compulsion's undue power in my life, my life is (to a greater or lesser degree, but in all cases to some degree) unmanageable.
• To "admit" powerlessness and unmanageability is frightening to the protective part of my ego; such an admission challenges the status quo and sets off an alarm on my homeostatis meter. 
• So my first step is to work sensitively but firmly with that internal protective part of my ego to let it know that I see it -- just that I have opened my eyes to it and truly see it.  I don't judge it in any way.  It's not bad or good or wrong or right; it just needs to know that I'm aware of it and that I want to stay aware of it.  Or to put it slightly differently, I let myself see that there are hidden aspects to myself which I want to get to know, bring into the light, maybe even befriend so that I can begin to live in a less disjointed manner.